Wellington Church - Learning and living God's Word one verse at a time.

I have spent the majority of my life living what could be considered a double life. I went to church; was able to converse about sovereign grace and looked "the part". When necessary I was a "good Christian man". However, I was anything but a godly man. A lack of obedience, duplicity of heart; outright love for particular sins nearly shipwrecked my finances, friendships & marriage. I became a shell of a man; powerless to help myself or others. My wife suffered silently while trying desperately to stand in my place as the spiritual leader of our home.

While I preferred the "god" I had created on my own terms and for my own uses I had actually reduced the real God to little more than a spiritual Santa clause who was only there to do my bidding. At that time, most of my prayers were "Lord I need", "If only you will do this, I will do that." I wanted to do things for the Lord in hopes that I could then get Him to do things for me. I was proud, arrogant and I refused to bend a knee in humility. Seven years ago I was stripped of my self-righteousness through financial disaster and conflict within both sides of our family and it began to take a toll on my haughty heart.

At first, I shook my fist at God demanding He help me. However, the issues and difficulties did not go away. A profound sense of loss, shame and silence led me to my own "dark night of the soul". Until this time, I had considered myself a pretty good person but now I began to see myself for who I really was, spiritually blind, pitiful, wretched, unable to save myself, unable to lift myself out of the pit, unable to do anything. 

Then the Lord graciously revealed Himself by His own sovereign hand; I heard His voice for the first time. John 10 says, "My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of My hand." It was not as though I had been unaware of the message of the cross, just unaffected by it. I bent my knee and confessed my sins with such violence I nearly vomited; gut wrenching, soul searching, heart pounding confession. I surrendered all to Christ who gave me a new heart.

I experienced the great exchange; my sinfulness for His righteousness, a heart that is deceitfully wicked for one that desires to produce godliness, a disobedient spirit for an obedient one. I now want to obey, not because I want something from Him, or because I don't want to go to hell, but because He is worthy. My life has not been the same since. Praise the Lord!